![]() ![]() I nodded groggily, my hair dripping water onto the waiting-room carpet, deeply at peace with the fact that I’d accidentally meditated. “You just described meditation!” an employee chirped after I’d told her all this. It felt like snoozing through an alarm clock I’d lurch into wakefulness, irritated by some aspect of the experience and determined to escape, but then I’d lie back instead, floating in comfort, and sink into a coma-like resting state. But in the end, I guess the pendulum landed hard on relaxation, because when the time was finally up, I emerged from the dank pod surprised to discover that, although the experience had mostly seemed weird and irritating, I now felt as though I’d eaten a handful of Xanax. This boomerang between annoyance and relaxation lasted the full hour. ![]() Then I started to hate myself for thinking about when I was paying $40 to lie in a bathtub and think about nothing, and then I zoned out for a long, indeterminate amount of time. Suddenly, I remembered we were out of trash bags and pictured myself adding this item to my online shopping cart in the hopes that by visualizing I’d remember to do it when I got home. I’d gone in fully naked, a choice I now regretted because the salt water didn’t feel great inside of my vagina. I wanted to know what time it was, which is shorthand for pining for my phone, and part of me wanted to get out of the tank and check, but another part of me didn’t want to be a quitter. A spray bottle of fresh water existed somewhere in the blackness, so I rooted around for that for a while on my hands and knees and accidentally squirted it into my mouth. I noticed the cistern smelled like a YMCA locker room. Then I got bored. At some point, officially sick of it, I asked, out loud, “How much time is left?” thinking maybe voice-recognition software existed in this weird, futuristic bathtub. To amuse myself, I ricocheted my body back and forth across the bathtub, kicking up a tidal wave of salt and screaming as it hit my eyes. ![]()
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